Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
oh god the rape fog is back!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
