Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
