i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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