I hate your face
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
