The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
