Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
