he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
