Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
