1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
