Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
