I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
