I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
