Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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