I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
