so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize