i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
