my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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