dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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