So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
my liver is dry heaving
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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