so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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