I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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