if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
