over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
