ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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