Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
