I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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