just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
