As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
