The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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