oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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