a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
