It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
