HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
