My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
