I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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