Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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