Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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