Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it's like iHOP with fire
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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