the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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