Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
