So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
