I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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