my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
