Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
