I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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