Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
