god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
