My cat gives me a boner
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
