Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize