He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize