If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
