I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions