he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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