he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?