i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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