This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
