im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
