he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
