What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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