Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize