Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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