Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
