There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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