What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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