I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
