what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
