Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
