you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
