the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
