Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
