It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
